Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D. by Gina Pera & PhD Russell Barkley

Author:Gina Pera & PhD Russell Barkley [Pera, Gina]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: 1201 Alarm Press
Published: 2008-08-31T04:00:00+00:00

If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.

Increasingly, the support group was validating her perceptions of what was going wrong at home—perceptions her husband had long denied. That buoyed the courage of her convictions. They also encouraged Ann to try detaching mentally a bit from the chaos and Jerome’s pessimistic mindset, not to mention letting up on her rather desperate attempts to change that mindset. She stopped pushing him to read books about ADHD and stopped listing the problems it was causing him, her, and them. She stopped the ultimatums, too. Who has ever yearned for an ultimatum? Who has ever yearned to be told they have a disorder?

Instead, Ann started using her imagination, setting aside a few minutes each day to envision a life together of joy and harmony—the “vast and endless sea” worth yearning for. It took some imagination, too, because at the moment their little sea felt quite storm-tossed. And she couldn’t pragmatically plot their course because she’d run fresh out of pragmatic strategies. Simply holding this vision, however, lifted her spirits. And the stories of hope she heard in the group convinced her that reaching this destination wasn’t a siren call but an attainable reality.

Soon after that, amazing things started happening. She started sleeping better and feeling less stressed. In turn, Jerome grew calmer, too, and less defensive. One day, he nonchalantly flipped through a book on ADHD. The next evening, at a dinner party, friends mentioned their relief at finally finding a skilled psychiatrist to help their child with ADHD. Jerome asked for the physician’s name and, as it turns out, they worked in the same office building. He stopped in the next day to meet the psychiatrist and judged him “smart enough” to trust. Once diagnosed, Jerome agreed to try medication, which made a huge difference in his life and their life together. Coincidences? Maybe. But Ann has a different perspective:

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